Our Very, Merry Christmas

Mod Snowflake Flurries Christmas Card

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Now That I'm 'Grown-Up,' I ought to be polite...

...And send Christmas cards.

I never thought I would be suckered into sending a Christmas card out. I never felt like I was old enough, nor could I find the perfect card to send out that would not only convey my feelings about this joyous holiday season, but also reflect my sense of style.

But that has all changed with Shutterfly! (A cute baby also helps...what proud mama doesn't want to show off their babes' cute mug?) Speaking of mugs, my mother's birthday falls about a week and a half before Christmas, and this year my sister and I decided to put a picture of our kids on a mug for her - my nieces are, of course, working up the charm with their tongues sticking out, looking like hooligans, and C...well, he's just smilin'. Thanks to Shutterfly, we can give this priceless gift to our mom this year; a keepsake she can keep forever.

I have been having the time of my life (okay, Christmas season) looking at all of Shutterfly's holiday cards, but I think I have fallen in love with their Christmas photo cards... why you may be thinking? Well, isn't it obvious from my paragraph above that I am excited to share (read: show off) C's strawberry-blonde hair, blue eyes, two deep dimples, and an oh-so-kissable grin.

Now, before I get carried away showing off my favorite cards I have found so far, did I mention that Shutterfly is having a promotion for bloggers: you can receive 50 free Christmas cards!!

And, onto my favorites:

Now, I usually lean toward the traditional side when I choose my Christmas cards...I like the reds and greens because they POP out at you, and using a black-and-white photo...

But Shutterfly has such a huge selection, it was hard to decide, and after spending close to an hour looking at all the options, I surprised by my leanings towards the bright, rainbow, and colorful cards...maybe Christmas just has me in a bright and cheerful mood!!

My first pick is a colorful card filled with reds and greens, and 3, count it T-H-R-E-E, spaces to show off the kiddo. And since C is a guy, and red and green aren't exactly gender colors, this card is the way to go for us...especially with all the snowflakes on it; we live way up north and love us lots of snow:

[Mod Snowflake Flurries Christmas Card]

My second pick is a photo card with just one picture, but bright and bold letters spelling out 'Merry' tumbling down along the side. I like the way that the photo is the main thing to look at, there's not too much color or detail to detract from said photo, but I love the bright, bold primary colors used; especially since I am making a quilt for C for Christmas made with primary colors, this would be sure to make memories for our family:

[Merry Rainbow Christmas 5x7 folded card]

The last of my favorites sold me on being able to have three photos on a Christmas card, but I really enjoy the space on the front to write a quick excerpt about our year, especially one that is printed, so I won't be spending a lot of time writing out individual messages - as a new, young mom, I really don't have time for that, as sad/pathetic as that may seem. So this card seems perfect for the proud, new mama with little (read: no) time for personalized messages, but who DID have time to create a personalized Christmas card for all those she cares about:

[What a Year Christmas Card]

I have used Shutterfly in the past for all my photo needs, and they have never once let me down. In fact, I also plan on using their photo calendars to make a beautiful calendar for my husband to use at work, to write down dates, or just seeing a photo of us through the years, or of our son. I am so excited to get cracking said calendar that perhaps I should stop blogging, and start getting creative in a photo format, not a writing format ;)

So, there you have it folks, I am officially 'old.' I am so excited to start receiving Christmas cards in the mail, and although I thought it an old tradition, now I think it is a going to be a new tradition for my family, and I hope to share our joy, peace, and love for this Christmas season with all our loved ones and friends.

And certainly last, but not least, dear readers: I should not forget to mention the thank you cards that will need to be written once Christmas day has passed and we have visited our respective families. Shutterfly has a wonderful assortment of thank you cards to suit every taste and personality.

Happy Shopping!

CapitalismAmerica

Lately, I have had capitalism on the brain...okay, well more than lately. I feel (more than slightly) irked while walking through our neighborhood grocery store and thinking about the prices of products and what is available. Then reading articles in the news about how in approximately 50 years, because the world population will be 9 billion, there will be a world food shortage crisis. Now, I honestly do not believe that there will be a shortage because of population. I believe it is because we are a society of convenience, born of capitalism.

How many of us out there prefer to buy a frozen pizza, or other frozen meal, instead of making it from scratch? Now, yes, I suppose you could argue that it was not due to convenience but rather time restrictions. Sure, go ahead. But really people? I prefer my homemade pizzas, and (asides from proof time) it takes 30 minutes to make a pizza - less if you don't shred your own mozzarella yourself (I only buy the blocks because it's cheaper, and frugality is a good quality to practice/behold). Or, how many of buy pre-made baby food instead of making our own? Yes, I do realize that you may be a working parent and therefore your time is precious, but what is 10 minutes compared to spending ~$1/jar of baby food, and that's not even the organic stuff (don't get me started...)

I digress, back to capitalism. I have had this topic on my mind as I visit my local butcher shop. Oddly enough, it's prices are better than even Wal-Mart...and it's a local business (I love, love, love local businesses...please, please give me more).

What happened to gardening, even? I realize the trend that is living in cities, suburbs, and exurbs and that land may be in short supply...but what about using window boxes, or putting pots in front of windows? Surely that could save money, help with the impending food crisis, or just save you a couple bucks or more.

I keep thinking that if I turned my whole backyard (.5 acres) into a giant garden, I would have enough produce to supply the houses on my street. And just think, if they all pitched in with the planting, weeding, watering, and harvesting....you would be taking a part in your produce. You would inherently know what sort of chemicals are, or are not, being sprayed on your fruits and veggies.

I eventually want chickens. My husband and I have a compost bucket under our sink and an ever-growing compost pile out in the yard...that will make great fertilizer and soil once we get our garden up and running next spring. And the chicken can eat some of the compost and help the whole process along as well. And all the while, I will know how my chickens are treated, what they've been eating, and have delicious eggs. Plus, they make delightful pets for children!

I dream of finding enough friends/acquaintances so that I could have my own dairy cow and make my own yogurt, cheeses, butter, milk, etc. But I do realize that is just a dream, but perhaps one day I shall find a willing farmer...hmm...

Capitalism. It has efficiently killed off local businesses. What happened to visiting the butcher, baker, farmer, etc etc. every week for our needs?? Instead, we shop at Wal-Mart, Target, [insert "local" (if you look up your local grocery store, it is, generally, owned by a large, national corporation / food distributor) grocery store here].

I have never forgotten, nor do I think I ever shall forget, a passage I read in a book about a girl who went on a medical missions trip in Uganda. She went to one of the (few) restaurants and ordered a chicken entrée for dinner...it took her a few minutes to understand why the kitchen boy was chasing after a chicken in the streets; he had to catch it for her meal. Or that milk used to come straight from the cow; not from the dairy section of the grocery store, in a plastic - or sometimes glass - bottle.

Sure, you can call me liberal. However, if there is ever a world food shortage, I know that, God willing, I will have plenty of produce that I grew in my garden and ate fresh/frozen/canned, meat from the local butcher, eggs from my chickens, and hopefully dairy from a local farmer. And I will be more than willing to share my garden's bounty. I believe God calls us - okay, I know he calls us - to share with the less fortunate. And that is my ultimate goal: I want to share what I have with others, I want to be a servant to those in need, I want to bring a smile to the face of a small child / mother / father / grandmother / grandfather...I think you get the picture. I want my actions to bring joy, hope, love, peace, and less worry.

And I honestly believe capitalism does not help this situation...

Per our local pastor's homily yesterday morning at Mass, when he was talking about our local church's budget and mentioning more than 50% of the members give between $0-100 per year, and even less give between $100-200...where is our call for "time and talent" people?? When Fr. Joe asked how many of us go and buy a drink each day (or even just once weekly) from Caribou coffee, or have a bottle of a some good beer, or put money towards going to sporting events or putting our child in a sport... I was really struck by how selfish we all are. $4 for a nice frappuccino...yes, it is a nice occasional treat, I agree. But what happened to making your own coffee/tea at home? Even better, sharing that coffee/tea time with a friend/spouse/significant other, in the comfort of one another's home? Not having to worry about seating space at the coffee shop, or what the kids/pets/etc. are getting themselves into...

I guess I am just frustrated with the way our society, and government, behaves and functions today. I miss those simpler times. I miss them because they create a community; it's not a wonder why so many new mothers, or newcomers to a new town, have so much trouble meeting, and making, new friends. We are creating a society of isolation - no man is an island! I find it sad when I get excited about going to the grocery store because my first conversation with an adult all day would be with the service clerk - that is, if I don't choose the self-checkout because Collin is having a meltdown in the store...

I want to create change

a positive change

Tippy Top

Well, apparently my iPod is unable to let me post on here...and, I haven't tried it before tonight, no. Am I lazy? Partially. But honestly,

Time sure flies.

I mean, sometimes I think Einstein had a point when he came up with his theories on relativity and the time continuum. It feels as if everything is happening so fast, these day especially.

So I apologize for my long departure from blogging. I got caught up in Collin, and finding more furniture for our home, making friends, and a getting a new kitten in an attempt to satiate my ever-growing feelings of sadness and dismay that my little boy is growing up so quickly,

and my increasing desire for another child.

Already.

Uhh...am I slightly crazy?

(I thought that was already obvious to anyone who reads

my helter-skelter posts (you're welcome U2))

So, yes. My new kitten. My newest baby. A girl. Now I'm not being overrun by testosterone anymore - shh...don't remind me she's fixed. She's still got the parts!

Tonight while doing some "6 Deep Creepin'" (you're welcome John Legend...yeah, music quotations in my blog kind of tonight...yes, please) on Facebook, I came across a blog written by a new friend (another Laura...I think God has decided that for me, being friends with Lauras is a good thing) and she had an interesting article about the expectation of today's mothers.

It is interesting to think of the bar that we, as a society on the whole, have set for mothers. So many are looked down upon for choosing the low road and staying at home, instead of continuing in their career. I distinctly remember my husband coming home from work one night and mentioning his co-workers were surprised that I had chosen to be a SAHM because I am a chemist (please note the use of am, not was) and they consider that to be a "profession," not just a career, apparently. Which is, to be quite honest, somewhat flattering that others acknowledge the strains of acquiring of chemistry degree, but also irksome that women who have pursued said degree (or that of a similar nature) are expected to stay in the work force.

And a clean home! Spotless. Ha. Right. And yet I still valiantly try - I think it's that idealism that if my home is clean, it means the rest of my life is under control.

So, so not true.

At all. Really!

I remember as a girl promising myself to never become like my mother and clean/pick up before company comes over, and I find myself doing it now, over and over again. Epic fail, self, epic fail.

Pardon the random ramblings of this post, my train of thought keeps getting interrupted by my new kitten, Mahl, attacking the laptop, or the plant, or my toes, or goodness knows what else.

Anyways...where was I?

(Mahl has curled up under the crook of my arm,

insert "Awwww" here)

While I am quipping songs this evening, I propose that I make an impromptu parody of "There ain't no rest for the wicked" (for those of you who do not know, God had a wonderful sense of humor the day I was conceived, and blessed me with the ability to make impromptu parodies - they usually even rhyme...just ask me to sing some... e.g. one of the Alleluia's our church will sing occasionally (I forget which Mass it comes from) I have changed to "Collin Collin Collin Beeeeaaaarrryyyyy, rinse and repeat....or "Come to the Water" (Laura Tepen, I hope you remember my (improved???) rendition)) to "There ain't no rest for a mother" because let's face it people...the wicked (usually) end up in jail, and I'm not sure what actually occurs there, but I'm guessing they don't do much while in their cells...so I think they rest a lot. Me, ha, sometimes I dream of being wicked so I can go to jail and get some rest from the mayhem.

I have a very organized mind. I constantly make To-Do lists; if you don't believe, come look in the top drawer in my kitchen where I keep my pens and a pad of paper. In college, I even approximated time to each task. I also had 6 highlighters : 5 meant the day of the week, and I would highlight the due date of an assignment, and use the typical yellow highlight when I had completed said task. I would start from the most-immediately due and work my way out. Now, I am also a huge procrastinator...I believe I would have failed out of college were it not for my Type A, almost OCD, need for organization in my little corner of the world.

But control? How much control do we really have? I am so often reminded of God's control in our lives (I am not trying to say we do not have free will because, oh boy, do we ever). And I love the control He does have in our lives. "Let Go and Let God." How true.

Okay, people who actually read my blog (yes, Courtney, I saw your email that you miss it :), I have so many topics on my mind...I just think I need to stop here for the evening - especially in light of the fact that I just tried to spell "stop" as "spot" ...dyslexia does run in the family, or are my fingers going faster than my synapses??

But I am back, and please, dear readers, if you know me in real life, please harass me - you can harass me about anything and everything, honestly - but please harass me about keeping up with this blog. I sincerely believe it reduces the amount of time I spend tossing and turning my head on my pillow each evening, and gives me a port for my thoughts as I go through my newest existence as a mother, and always as a daughter (of my parents, and of God), sister, wife, aunt, friend, and frenemy (sorry had to use that ridiculous word to remind myself that I am getting older (and thus "uncooler" with every passing day - and that is a-okay by me).

I would say Adieu, but in light of my love for German,

Gute Nacht!

Counting Backwards From Ten

Hello,

My name is Laura, and I cannot physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually deal with my son's new schedule of waking up every 2 hours. I think I am starting to go little bit loony - I cried tonight over the fact that my seams did not match up perfectly for my purse I am making, I do not understand the directions on gusseting, I feel like a complete failure as a mother because my son gets up so often, cries for over half an hour every night when we struggle to get him into bed (so much for the "No Cry Method"...thanks a lot Dr. Sears!) and the same happens when I struggle to get him down for his daily 40 minutes naps...why struggle for 30 minutes, and feel as if I am torturing my child, if only for a 40 minute break?, my husband complained about the way I broil steaks tonight...I could go on. Yes, this is a pity party. No, you are not invited. And no, for God's sake, do not criticize me. Oh yeah, did I mention that when my son was a mere 2 weeks old he would sleep for 9 hours straight at night. And yes, I do realize this means he's ready for solid foods, but how does one accomplish this when he screams every time I get him in/near his highchair?

It's during times like these that I,

sometimes,

wish I could just walk away,

just leave,

and never come back.

sometimes.

I am also oh-so-very tempted to take a sewing shears and stab my husband's computer monitor. And then stab his game. And for being a smart ass, I think I want to stab him as well.

Mirror Image

I wish you could stay this little forever

I love you, little babe.

Just when you think

you have it all under control

...

Something comes along to remind you,

you don't.

Leave it up to God

Irked on a Monday Morning

You know, before I re-embraced my Catholic faith in college (after I had shed my following of Independent Fundamental Baptists), I thought that Catholicism was hokey pokey. This stems from the lack of proper education/information I received while growing up and attending CCD (Religious Education). While IFB, I fully believed that Catholics were evil, the Pope was the Anti-Christ, and all Catholics were damned. I also believed a lot of other heretical thoughts, but have since seen "the light" and come to understand, and love, my Catholic faith even more, and have embraced this true, and holy, faith. Anyways, since then, it has also become my personal crusade to understand more wholly the tenets of the Catholic faith that so many do not understand: the Saints, the Words of Institution spoken by the priest which is the time at which transubstantiation occurs (when the bread and wine become the actual Sacred Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus), the Rites of the Church, Natural Family Planning, and so forth.

Anyways, now that I am married, my husband and I practice Natural Family Planning, seeing as this is the only approved method, asides from abstinence, of preventing pregnancy in the Church. There are so many different kinds of NFP (Sympto-Thermal, Creighton Model, Billings Method, SDM, and more) out there, but it seems that it is not allowed to have its voice, even though scientific data can back up NFP in its claims that it extremely effective when used correctly. And doesn't the FDA require all forms of birth control - be it condoms, the pill, IUDs, rings, etc. - to say they are XX% effective when used correctly?!?! Need I say more? Does anyone else remember the commercial for Yaz, and how it later needed to be, publicly, amended in a another commercial saying the FDA required them to also say "X, Y, and Z about using Yaz?"

NFP is effective, people!

Just because my husband and I chose to try, and God did indeed bless us, with a pregnancy that resulted in our son Collin, and that we chose to try after only a few months of being married does not mean that NFP is ineffective. On the contrary, this proves another valid argument in NFP - that it can also help you to attain pregnancy, by knowing your cycles and phases and when you are fertile and how to accurately predict ovulation. I can still point it out on my chart the exact day my son was conceived. I mean, secular society is producing all sorts of ovulation prediction tests and more to help families achieve pregnancy. NFP obviously knows its thing! My husband and I chose this child, he is NO "oops baby." I had been told by multiple OB/GYNs and our CCL coaching teachers that I was not ovulating, and therefore had fertility issues, and may never be able to have a child. Until.... I saw an NFP-only doctor in St. Charles, Ill. who helped me. It is because of his knowledge of fertility cycles (and NFP made this possible) that my pregnancy was achieved.

Why are all these facts ignored? Why do so many atheists and agnostics, and even Evangelical Christians, nay-say these arguments, especially on top of ample scientific data. Has anyone heard of Creighton University? Or the Pope Paul VI Institute? It is because of the research done there that my doctors knew to test, after confirming my pregnancy, my progesterone levels. And I sincerely believe that because I received progesterone shots throughout my first trimester (because my own levels were so very low) that my pregnancy progressed, and did not result in a miscarriage. Before receiving the shots, I had a significant chance of miscarriage. It is very frustrating for me, as a scientist (I have a B.S. in Chemistry) to see when data, that can be backed up by thorough research, is ignored. And this has been ignored, and for so long!!!

I will never forget how one of my old co-worker's girlfriends became pregnant with their firstborn while she was on the ring. And one of my old OB/GYNs, he and his wife had 10 children. Of those 10, only one was unplanned, and this unplanned pregnancy occurred while his wife was on the pill - they were practicing NFP when they achieved their other 9 pregnancies. Ironic, no? So to those who doubt, who think they are lucky for not becoming pregnant while on artificial birth control - consuming damaging hormones that alter the way our bodies are supposed to work naturally - guess what? You are. Are you taking your birth control correctly? What if you're not?

I took a course on NFP to learn how to use my "birth control." I can, for the most part, claim that I am using this method correctly. The difference is, if I do have an unplanned pregnancy, I will not fear it nor be dismayed, but overjoyed knowing that God has chosen to bless, and increase, our family.

I would challenge those of you who do use birth control to read all the information you can about what you use. For example, did you know that pill eventually leads to infertility? Now, consider why this information is generally smothered. I mean, why isn't this obvious side effect listed??? Why doesn't the FDA require that? Or heck, why isn't pregnancy listed as a side effect as well? I challenge you to think critically and do your research. This is an important thing - it is about LIFE. Didn't you do research before you chose what college to attend? Or in the case of the organic movement, what produce, meats, etc. to buy organically and why? So why not here? Why continue follow the Culture of Death?

God gave us this most wonderful ability to procreate,

to bear children we can love unconditionally,

for whom we would do anything.

Fleeting Thoughts

During this morning's homily, I could not help but remember a particular passage from Galatians about the fruits of the Holy Spirit:

For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.

But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality,

idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions,

envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.

- Galatians 5:17-26

It's not surprising that God chose this particular time of my day to use the Holy Spirit to place these thoughts into my head - especially when you consider that I was at Mass by myself; my husband and brother-in-law had gone earlier in the morning while Collin was napping. What a morning to really reflect upon the continual and daily graces that can be found in each of our lives.

Fruits of the Spirit...this is such a captivating topic for me because it is a list, that God gave us of important, godly qualities that we should all strive for daily. And a list of carnal/fleshly desires.

It is such a blessing to have a conscience; I believe our consciences are led by the Holy Spirit, when we are living our faith and following the Church, and they help us to discern our actions in everyday, and especially extraordinary, situations.

But God's Word points it out so succinctly; that our flesh battles against the Spirit. All the time. Every day. I find this happening in every area of my life: my roles as wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, acquaintance, or even as "just another person on the street."

It's one of the moments when if you try to start counting

the amount of times daily that you choose

to let your fleshly desires overtake you,

you can lose faith.

But that's usually when I have this overpowering feeling of grace

in the reminder of God's love,

but more importantly,

His forgiveness,

understanding,

and steadfast belief

in His children.

I pray continually that I can strive to be more like our Blessed Virgin Mother; there is no greater role model for women, especially mothers, except for Christ Himself. I know it sounds so cliche, but sometimes I like to ask myself "What would Mary do?" I was right, wasn't I? Big cliche. But it really strikes home for me. I mean, I'm sure there were times when she had her doubts or moments where she struggled in her faith, but I feel like I'm continually struggling. Even wallowing.

I feel like my faith is slipping so much recently, and I just don't know where it's all stemming from, what the root is. Okay, yes I know what the root is, the devil is at work, and it's my own free will and selfish desires, but I like to be able to pinpoint where in my life this is coming from - maybe it's the scientist in me. Could it be from having an unplanned c-section and feeling so bitter about it afterwards? My overwhelming guilt I feel when sometimes I stare at my son and feel nothing at all? Or is that just the thoughts and feeling of a burnt out mother?? Is it the thoughts of my mother-in-law having been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer (even though she has been battling it effectively so far, and her faith is so inspiring)? Is it from the despair I feel about how often my husband and I come to spar on the most trivial things?? All of this clearly, and my own feelings of discontentment, depression, etc. just proves that the devil is at work, and I'm letting him work, and not fighting as hard as I know I can.

Which begs to differ the eternal question:

WHY??

But I want to fight!!! And I want to arm myself. I want the Holy Spirit, God, the saints, and whomever else is out there praying with/for me helping me "fight the good fight." I want to get back into prayer. I want my son, and all my future children, to grow up steadfast in their faith, to know their faith and understand it - unlike myself when I was a child and going through CCD. I want to be a godly example for my children, friends, family, and more. But I know I cannot do this alone. Woe is the man or woman who thinks he or she can.

The fruits of the Spirit. Don't they sound divine? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Maybe I just need to talk about my faith more openly. My goal is to start attending daily Mass. I need to get back into the habit of going to confession. I have been yearning to find my niche in our local church. And I miss volunteering; I remember the days of going to Chicago and helping out at a battered women and children's shelter, and how the ache in my heart would grow seeing these children starving for love and attention, but the joy and blessings that would abound from being able to give that to them! To show them some hope, and some light, and the beauty of God and His creation, and life.

But hey, these are goals. I want to make them realities. And I need to find an accountability partner because I will admit that I have terrible self-control. I have been taking breaks while writing this post to grab more Guittard Milk Chocolate Chips to eat, even though I told myself an hour ago to stop. I just can't. And then I feel terrible about my self-image later. Strange, huh? What is with this? With me?! God help me, I know that I am nothing without my faith. I am so weak. Christ is such a great example of strength; how He bore his pain and suffering on that cross.

I still, to this day, cannot forget what one of my evangelical friends once said about sinning.

"Each time I sin, I am choosing to deliberately spit in Christ's face while He is upon that cross."

I'm sure I could expand upon this topic even more, but for now I think this is enough. Enough to know that there is redemption, to believe in the power of Reconciliation and forgiveness, and be a part of the Body of Christ and the Church, to know I am inter-connected with millions of other Catholics. That brings me great joy.

And joy is just the first of the fruits...

Teething, teething, teething

So, Collin has been teething for almost 2 weeks now - not the whole time you, we did get a few days' respite, but now the pain in coming in full force for the little guy. And he is a chomper - ouch, ouch, ouch!!! And he loves to chew/drool all over fingers and arms that he can reach - although not his own.

It sounds so painful!

Wiping up blood-stained drool only makes me feel more sympathetic to the teething cause.

I also have an Organic Chill-It teether ring for him to use, which he is starting to like/appreciate, especially now that he's got the whole

"Oooh...something's in my hand??

MUST put it in my mouth immediately!"

I bought him some instant dissolve teething tablets, and generally they seem to be a great help (especially when the pain is keeping him from napping), but I'm guessing we've reached a whole new pain threshold today: he is so tired and will not go to sleep because of the pain. So Ryan is bouncing him in his bedroom, thus far to no avail.

Teething tablets...they scare me, and yet I use them. I understand using chamomile (relaxing and soothing) and I understand the logic behind putting belladona in the tablets as well. It's the notion that while I was still working (I'm a chemist) in the labs, I was not allowed to enter the lab area when others were using belladona. Granted that was in its pure form, and obviously greater quantities than you would give to a 3 month old, but still. It makes me uneasy. But they ARE a Godsend. They dull the pain just enough so he can nurse off the rest of the pain, get the nice hormone-induced sleep effects that come from mommy's milky, and take a quick snooze.

Tonight is sure to be very interesting...

I pray it won't be too bad.

Not only for his benefit, but for mine as well. The past couple of nights have also been long/hard/restless, and top that off with a sick husband, so I'm on this mission all by my lonesome.

I like to pretend this means Collin is excited to start on his "solid" foods when he hits 6 months in October. Nothing like dry rice cereal, or oatmeal, flakes mixed into breastmilk that does a body good...

In other news, I made zucchini brownies today. Sounds weird, huh? But they are SO delicious! And much healthier - less oil, less sugar, no eggs - than regular brownies. Think of all the vitamins jam-packed into a (big, okay, ginormous) bite. Add in a glass of milk, and you've got me drooling...just like Collin.

My other domestic adventure of the day: making my own dill pickles. We've had cucumbers coming out of our ears left and right, and for the most part going bad because I just don't know what to do with them anymore - asides from dipping them into hummus, eating as a snack, on top of salads. So here's to domestic adventures...

Dear Joe,

I don't have time for a real post, but Laura said you wanted me to post a blog, so here's one for you :)

A Little Slippery on This Soapbox

You know, I wonder just how many books there are out there professing that they are the best book on raising your child and that they will turn out the best. When, let's face it, in reality, there is no one truly perfect method to raising a family. I believe that raising a child / parenting is different in each child's case due to our individual personalities and oddities. But that is my own personal belief - and I respect others' beliefs when it comes to parenting because it can be a very touchy, and sore, subject.

I have to hand it to my mother, and thank my sister someday for preconditioning our mother, for knowing when it is or is not prudent to dole out her personal beliefs/advice when it comes to my raising Collin - she respects that if I want advice or have any questions, I will ask her. I wish I could say the same of my in-laws. Which is continually surprising to me - I LOVE my in-laws! But after hearing my mother-in-law tell me that I should just let Collin cry it out - her mother had 8 children and it worked well for her, and my mother-in-law had 4 children and it worked well for her...and none of her children had any negative side effects, and she believes the same of her siblings - I think I want to punch a wall, or just tell her to go pound sand.

I know that everyone who doles out their own parenting advice is well-intentioned and only means the best, or just wants to give advice they believe will help make my life easier, but I am overwhelmed with feelings of frustration these days. Yes, I understand that letting your child cry it out may have worked well for you, but guess what? It doesn't work well for my child, which in turn means that it does not work well for our family. It breaks my heart to hear my child screaming bloody murder when I know I am helpless to make him feeling better (cue pooping time) - why would I ever want to let him cry - which leads to screaming - it out when it only makes him lose faith and trust in him, and cry less not because he is pacifying himself but because he is losing hope that his mother hears his cries and is about to enter the room any second and help make it all better. I personally just don't understand it, or condone it. However, yes, there are times when Collin is crying and nothing I can do seems to help, but I still hold him or let him see me so he knows mama is there and sympathizes and has not left him on his own.

And yes, I know co-sleeping is also a touchy subject. But again, it is what works well for Collin and for our family, so that's what we do. I am currently trying to transition Collin out of this, and it's not so much him or his need to be in bed with mom and dad - it's more so that I fall asleep while nursing him in bed, so guess where he ends up sleeping? Our bed. I just need to jump it up on the energy when he's nursing (like the hormones I release even make that possible, but we can pretend here)...

I am trying so hard to be polite and gracious., really I am. But if I ever fudge up, forgive me. Please.

We went to my in-laws these past few days, and well, Collin hates car rides. He did great in the beginning, but there was a 2 hour stint of crying that was so bad we almost pulled off the road and just slept in the car for the night, holding Collin, it was so bad. Thankfully, we made it there at 1:30 am on Sunday. My father-in-law for some reason decided it was a prudent idea to come in the porch where we were sleeping to look at Collin, wake me up, and then chastise me for allowing Collin to sleep in our bed....because he shouldn't be sleeping in our bed, he'll get used to it and never sleep on his own. Oh? Really? Collin actually sleeps better in his crib, if I manage to not fall asleep nursing him at night - I try, and sometimes succeed in getting him back in his crib. So, guess what? No sleeping, or mom and dad, dependence there.

There are so many parenting methods it's crazy. I am not keen on the Faber (or Faber-izing) method = cry it out method. Currently psychological research shows the ever-present negative side effects this style of parenting has on children throughout their lives. They end up becoming more dependent than the children whose parents heed his or her cries. These children whose cries are heard learn to trust their parents; trust that they hear their cries and will respond promptly. These children learn independence because of the care they receive from their parents; they never have to be afraid that mom or dad will leave them. They will become more sociable for this reason as well.

I am an Attachment Parenting parenting method believer to the "dotted i."

I:

- wear my baby

- bonded with him immediately after birth (or as soon as I could due to a c-section_

- breastfeed my baby

- bed close to my baby

- believe in the language value of his cries

- balance, know when to say "yes" and "no" and recognize the importance of a healthy marriage and its positive side effects in my childrens' lives

- beware "baby trainers" - which according to Dr. Sears means:

Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.

So yes, this is me. I own 3 different wraps, am about to acquire a fourth because I love wear my baby, I love the feeling of bonding I receive from holding him, having him close to me, smelling him, breastfeeding him, etc. I am in awe every time I breastfeed Collin because of the overwhelming feelings of love, protection, joy, and just...awe at the beauty of nature in action. I believe organic produce, meats, and dairy are the way to go, and that supporting local agriculture and businesses is the key - but hey, that's another soapbox item for another day.

And now, it is time to slide off my soapbox and read a relaxing book. I am really enjoying Collin's newest sleeping schedule. I may also go enjoy a Dr. Pepper. Why not? It is, after all, my birthday tomorrow :)

Cloth Diapering and Outlets

I wonder how many mothers out there breathe in a collective sigh when their children successfully go down for a nap; I know that I am one of those mothers - most days at least. Especially this morning after Collin's diaper leaked all over himself, his clothes, my clothes, and my bed...at 4:30 in the morning.

I have been doing a lot of research lately on cloth diapers. I own a few BumGenius 3.0 All-in-Ones and many Mother-Ease fitted cloth diapers. However, my husband and I really enjoy camping, hiking, fishing...lots of outdoor activities that require a diaper that dries quickly, but is also effective.

Here are my issues with BumGenius diapers:

• they leak - nothing makes this mama more frustrated than having to not only change Collin's diaper, but also his clothes because they are soaked, and if he was sleeping/napping when this happened, I have sheets and bedding to wash.
• their inserts are too bulky when your child is still itty bitty - it causes the diapers to flare out in the front, which helps cause leakage
• they aren't quite as absorbent as I would like them to be
• the velcro will eventually wear out and I will have to fix it

Positives to BumGenius diapers:

• they're not as bulky as my Mother-Ease
• if I'm feeling lazy, just velcroing a diaper is much easier than doing up to the 8 snaps I do with my M-E diapers

My qualms with Mother-Ease:

• they take a long time to dry after washing
• they are very bulky

Positives to Mother-Ease diapers:

• they hold lots and lots of pee!!
• I have never had one leak on me, EVER
• never had any diaper explosions...yet??

Nicki, the owner of Nickisdiapers.com, designed her own diapers called BestBottoms...and I'm thinking of ordering some because they sound really neat, and in my opinion think she's quite the expert on cloth diapers. She tried to integrate all the positive aspects of all the different kinds of cloth diapers out there (prefolds, fitted, all-in-ones, pocket). It also sounds like they would be a great match for outdoor activity lovers! Any thoughts?

In other news, my husband loves video games. He was playing StarCraft 2 when it was out in beta form, and just bought it on Tuesday when it came out on the market. He even woke up early this morning so he could play a game before work - because I asked him to go to sleep at the same time as me for the first time in a week. Does anyone else have these issues?! While SC2 was between beta and coming out on the market, he had to play Dragon Age: Origins, Company of Heroes, or goodness only knows the other games he played... Don't get me wrong, I think an outlet is great! I have mine (cooking, cleaning, reading, long bubbly baths) as well. I just think when they cut into already-precious sleep that something is wrong here. I also enjoy video games as well; yes, I will admit that before Collin was born, and once he gets on to a better sleeping pattern, my husband and I will play World of Warcraft again. It is fun - in measured doses. Maybe it's a male thing - they start doing something and get so single-minded on what they're doing that they can do it for hours and hours and hours.

Me? I multi-task like crazy. That's why I love slings and wraps :)

In other news, I have been informed that when my brother-in-law buys a boat this fall, it's getting stored in my garage. And my husband wants us to go halves on it with him...

Yep. News to me

Early A.M. Musings

I wonder how many synonyms there are for exhausted.

I never thought I would miss German so much, but I do. I always wonder at the different crossroads God places before us, and how it is that we chose the path we have. Ich traume so oft nach Deutschland.

A glimpse at one of my favorite poems of all time:

Es war, als hätt der Himmel Die Erde still geküßt, Daß sie im Blütenschimmer Von ihm nun träumen müßt.

Die Luft ging durch die Felder, Die Ähren wogten sacht, Es rauschten leis die Wälder, So sternklar war die Nacht.

Und meine Seele spannte Weit ihre Flügel aus, Flog durch die stillen Lande, Als flöge sie nach Haus.

- Mondnacht, Joseph Freiherr von Eichendorff

A New, but Slightly Reused, Birth

...so this is not referencing to the birth of my son, Collin, since that happened - almost - three months ago (really??) but after my friend Courtney told me she started a blog, I remembered all the blogs I used to write years ago, and how I loved writing and having an outlet for all my thoughts coursing through me each and every day. Plus, hello?? New mom here, and still acquainting myself to a new town - which means not only am I traversing the "new mommy" highway, but am also struggling my way through finding friends in this small town. So, blogging, I'm back on my soapbox, and I'm sure it will be a wild ride once more.

And since the title of my blog may seem really weird...what it means is: A complex version of the truth (or truths).

...Which I'm finding motherhood to be each and every day...because at the end of the day, is there really only one right way, or one truth, about motherhood? In eighteen years, will my son be hugging me filled with love and respect for his mother, or will he feel overwrought and exasperated...or somewhere in between?

Speaking of my son, I hear him occasionally crying out in his sleep, which is his first signal that he'll be waking up soon, wanting milk and thus getting into mommy and daddy's bed (yes, he does sleep in our bed after his initial wake-up), guess that means sleepy time for this mama.