I have to hand it to my mother, and thank my sister someday for preconditioning our mother, for knowing when it is or is not prudent to dole out her personal beliefs/advice when it comes to my raising Collin - she respects that if I want advice or have any questions, I will ask her. I wish I could say the same of my in-laws. Which is continually surprising to me - I LOVE my in-laws! But after hearing my mother-in-law tell me that I should just let Collin cry it out - her mother had 8 children and it worked well for her, and my mother-in-law had 4 children and it worked well for her...and none of her children had any negative side effects, and she believes the same of her siblings - I think I want to punch a wall, or just tell her to go pound sand.
I know that everyone who doles out their own parenting advice is well-intentioned and only means the best, or just wants to give advice they believe will help make my life easier, but I am overwhelmed with feelings of frustration these days. Yes, I understand that letting your child cry it out may have worked well for you, but guess what? It doesn't work well for my child, which in turn means that it does not work well for our family. It breaks my heart to hear my child screaming bloody murder when I know I am helpless to make him feeling better (cue pooping time) - why would I ever want to let him cry - which leads to screaming - it out when it only makes him lose faith and trust in him, and cry less not because he is pacifying himself but because he is losing hope that his mother hears his cries and is about to enter the room any second and help make it all better. I personally just don't understand it, or condone it. However, yes, there are times when Collin is crying and nothing I can do seems to help, but I still hold him or let him see me so he knows mama is there and sympathizes and has not left him on his own.
And yes, I know co-sleeping is also a touchy subject. But again, it is what works well for Collin and for our family, so that's what we do. I am currently trying to transition Collin out of this, and it's not so much him or his need to be in bed with mom and dad - it's more so that I fall asleep while nursing him in bed, so guess where he ends up sleeping? Our bed. I just need to jump it up on the energy when he's nursing (like the hormones I release even make that possible, but we can pretend here)...
I am trying so hard to be polite and gracious., really I am. But if I ever fudge up, forgive me. Please.
We went to my in-laws these past few days, and well, Collin hates car rides. He did great in the beginning, but there was a 2 hour stint of crying that was so bad we almost pulled off the road and just slept in the car for the night, holding Collin, it was so bad. Thankfully, we made it there at 1:30 am on Sunday. My father-in-law for some reason decided it was a prudent idea to come in the porch where we were sleeping to look at Collin, wake me up, and then chastise me for allowing Collin to sleep in our bed....because he shouldn't be sleeping in our bed, he'll get used to it and never sleep on his own. Oh? Really? Collin actually sleeps better in his crib, if I manage to not fall asleep nursing him at night - I try, and sometimes succeed in getting him back in his crib. So, guess what? No sleeping, or mom and dad, dependence there.
There are so many parenting methods it's crazy. I am not keen on the Faber (or Faber-izing) method = cry it out method. Currently psychological research shows the ever-present negative side effects this style of parenting has on children throughout their lives. They end up becoming more dependent than the children whose parents heed his or her cries. These children whose cries are heard learn to trust their parents; trust that they hear their cries and will respond promptly. These children learn independence because of the care they receive from their parents; they never have to be afraid that mom or dad will leave them. They will become more sociable for this reason as well.
I am an Attachment Parenting parenting method believer to the "dotted i."
I:
- wear my baby
- bonded with him immediately after birth (or as soon as I could due to a c-section_
- breastfeed my baby
- bed close to my baby
- believe in the language value of his cries
- balance, know when to say "yes" and "no" and recognize the importance of a healthy marriage and its positive side effects in my childrens' lives
- beware "baby trainers" - which according to Dr. Sears means:
Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.
So yes, this is me. I own 3 different wraps, am about to acquire a fourth because I love wear my baby, I love the feeling of bonding I receive from holding him, having him close to me, smelling him, breastfeeding him, etc. I am in awe every time I breastfeed Collin because of the overwhelming feelings of love, protection, joy, and just...awe at the beauty of nature in action. I believe organic produce, meats, and dairy are the way to go, and that supporting local agriculture and businesses is the key - but hey, that's another soapbox item for another day.
And now, it is time to slide off my soapbox and read a relaxing book. I am really enjoying Collin's newest sleeping schedule. I may also go enjoy a Dr. Pepper. Why not? It is, after all, my birthday tomorrow :)
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